FOMO & Social Anxiety

This post isn’t associated with a particular date because it’s a thinking/ rambling post. If you’re just reading this blog to learn about Malawi or more specifically my time in Malawi, you can probably skip this whole post because it won’t tell you much.

I’m not entirely certain where this post is headed (despite conducting a fair amount of pre-writing thinking), so first off, I’ll explain part of the title. For any of you who aren’t up-to-date on the crazy vocabulary expected by the Internet, FOMO stands for Fear Of Missing Out. People use this acronym in the context of not being included in some sort of social media post or event, though it is also extended to real life experiences. It’s basically an expression of anxiety that people are doing things and having fun and you’re not a part of it. At least that’s my understanding of the concept; I’m hardly Internet savvy, and I could be way off base. But that definition is applicable to this post, so that’s the one we’re going with!

I personally haven’t experienced much FOMO since being introduced to the concept. Usually, I can write off any concern by telling myself that I likely enjoyed what I was doing at the time more than whatever it was that I missed. This has been significantly more challenging at The Oasis, since you can literally hear at all times the fun you are missing when you are not participating. It’s been a challenge for me to balance spending time with people and taking time to myself so I can enjoy spending time with people (hopefully that was clear), since it’s tempting to go out to the main room whenever people are chatting or laughing out there.

In my mind, this was pretty closely linked to social anxiety. From a clinical standpoint, social anxiety is derived from the concern that you will do something in a social situation that will cause others to negatively evaluate you. This can lead people with social anxiety to avoid social situations or certain social settings. My personal experience with social anxiety has been pretty similar to this clinical definition, though I recognize that’s not true for everyone.

On this trip, like with most groups of people, I’ve observed some judgments being passed by the group. Someone will say or do something, and either at that time or later, furtive glances will be cast with smirks, or remarks will be made when the person is absent. I generally notice these sorts of things because at camp, our staff works so hard to be inclusive and avoid gossip. Having experienced social interactions without exclusive behaviour has made me more aware of it, I guess. Either way, these exclusive behaviours that quietly denigrate one of the group members make me really anxious because each time it happens, all I can think is, “Do they do and say these things about me behind my back?” The rational part of my brain notes that if they do, there’s nothing I can do about it, so I shouldn’t worry about it. But the anxiety-run part of my brain thinks, “I need to not do anything in their presence to bring about such judgment.”

I took some time after writing that to think about the ways in which FOMO and my social anxiety interact, since they’re intricate and challenging to explain. I haven’t made a lot of progress. I guess the simplest way to explain it is that I want to spend time with people because FOMO is wreaking havoc on my social anxiety (telling me that by not participating, I’ll be negatively evaluated as a shut-in), but I also am unsure about spending time with people because I can feel anxious when I’m around them.

The way I’ve written about this may have made it seem more serious than it is. Most of the time, I feel quite comfortable around this group and am able to interact without my anxiety acting up. That being said, there are moments. I spent some time talking about this post with Natalee, because I don’t want it to in any way imply that I have issues with people in the class, particularly because that’s incorrect. I think the easiest way to explain it is that when you have a group of people who didn’t really know each other before spending pretty much all their time together, there is bound to be conflict and exclusiveness. I know that everyone is making a concerted effort to reduce the instances of both those things. Whenever you spend a lot of time with the same people, you’re bound to see all aspects of each person’s personality. The challenge it has presented us with on this trip is whether we can accept and appreciate each of those aspects in each other, regardless of whether we like them or not.

To me, my social anxiety has become an aspect of my being. It’s not one I share particularly often (though after this post, many more people in my life will be aware that it’s an issue for me, so I’m sure I’ll be talking about it more from here on out), but I’ve come to accept it as a part of who I am. I guess the best I can do is hope that my classmates, as well as the people in my life back home, can see that part of me and accept it.

-Jen